Humor, it literally is rocket science these days. What you say may offend some people but it may make others "spit out their milk." So I am a scientist. I find the perfect balance of humor and professionalism coupled with just a touch of ranting, which when mixed with coffee makes for some interesting days at work.
|Name||:||Krys The Receptionist|
|Title||:||Executive Regional Director of Telecommunications and Waste Management, PoS Specialist.|
Excerpts from the mind of a millennial who doesn’t act like a millennial.
"Behind The Fridge Land"
Ok this is gonna be one of those "Can you relate to this" posts.
So like many people I put the bread and cereal ON TOP of my fridge. Yes, yes some people do not believe in this way of living and I understand this. For for my mental sanity if I put something away in a cabinet or a cupboard I will never and I mean NEVER find said item again. My cupboards like to eat things, small children, etc. You get the general gist of the situation. Bread and cereal on top of fridge.
Well this morning when I woke up promptly at 4:00AM, I went to grab the best cereal in the whole wide world (Honey Bunches of Oats) and somehow managed to knock it BEHIND the fridge. Now mind you, and you all may know I have a not-so-secret love affair with coffee. At 4:00AM the coffee is still brewing so you have to imagine a non-caffeinated me (Krys) legs in the air squirming behind a fridge at 4:01AM.
Before you suggest just "pulling out the fridge" let me inform you that getting that fridge into that pre-destined spot was... without swearing... a rough affair. So I am in no mood or state of mind to pull the huge fridge out of the little itty bitty cubby hole the builder made for the thing 13 years ago. (Fridges must have been much, much smaller back then. Like seriously? I think I'd need a crow bar to get it out.)
At this point I am like centimeters away from my beloved cereal that committed suicide and decided to jump behind the fridge. I kid you not, I could literally smell it I was so close. That was until I lost my delicate balance on the counter top and tumbled headfirst into the deep, darkness of "behind-the-fridge" land. This is the place where all your deepest darkest nightmares reside. I kid you not. Nobody pulls out their fridge to vacuum, or to wash the wall. If you do... kudos to you.
Now that I am behind the fridge at 4:22AM sans coffee and in the pitch black of my kitchen I have my cereal in hand. (YES!) but on my way out from "behind-the-fridge" land I manage to snag my FAVORITE pajama pants on something (probably the boogy man's toothpick) and RRRRIIIIIPP, there goes my pants. :/
Moral of the story:
Do not attempt breakfast before coffee. Always, always coffee first. Do not ask questions or stare at the dirty pant less person eating cereal at 4:30AM in the morning in the kitchen, its just not nice.
I hope you all enjoyed my rendition of my morning.
Krys... needs more coffee.
So as a forewarning with most of my posts please, do not take offense to this. This is not aimed at you.
Dear Mam who left us a nasty, NASTY voicemail message at 1:24AM this morning,
We are so very sorry that our POSTED hours of operation (7AM - 3PM) do not work for you, we are also sorry that the two days you showed up last week at 3:30PM (as you told us in your message) you found the doors locked, and our open sign off. We are sorry for being "J*ck As*es" and "Fat Lards" (As you said in your message) We are currently striving to minimize the "Jack" in our "A*ses" and we will all make a real effort to get on a treadmill (We thank you for the concern for our health. You truly must be a kind person.)
You mentioned that you would tell all your friends and family to not use us or our services and to instead go down the street to oxford where the grooming salon is open 8AM - 6PM because we are unreliable to be open and available AFTER our hours of operation. Your loss.
I tried to look up your phone number that my machine automatically records, and am unable to find an account associated with it. If you would like to make an appointment like everyone else instead of "Running on luck at 3:30PM" feel free to give me a call DURING NORMAL BUSINESS HOURS (7AM - 3PM) and I'll see what I can do.
We still have appointments available with a MULTITUDE of ways to schedule (Online, Phone, SMS) so please don't be a stranger!
Krys the Jack-iest, flabbergasted, 150lb "Fat-Lardiest" receptionist and poor soul who has to check the voicemails.
(Don't know if "Fat-Lardiest" is a word but I'm just gonna roll with it.)
Seriously lady, that wasn't nice.
I'll be sitting vigilant by the phone awaiting your apology.
Only from 7AM - 3PM though :)
"Get Chur Free Stuff"
Hello, Hi, Hey there.
Hoping everyone is having a great hump day.
This month's promotion:
FREE NAILTRIMS ON YOUR EXOTIC FROGS. (1 amphibian per visit.)
FREE DE-SHEDDING SERVICE ON ALL WILDEBEEST (Limit 2 per family.)
FREE BATH FOR ADULT DOLPHINS. (Please feed in advance, no fish kept on hand.)
"You should choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color because choosing your socks by their character and your friends by their color makes no sense."
Give me a call to schedule your appointments. Easter is just around the corner please do not wait until last minute to make those appointments. We are currently scheduling a week in advance for weekend appointments.
Krys the receptionist.
Wildebeest & Exotic Frog Lover.
Here is a short list of my skillset as it pertains to being the Tender Touch Pet Spa receptionist.
“Funny as heck”
- B. Pauley
“You crack me up, you are hilarious”
- K. Daly
“- - -”